Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
