Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize