I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
