They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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