You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i think i just lost a toe
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
