We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
