Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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