Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
