i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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