ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
