There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
