She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
