So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
