My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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