come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
