We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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