I only kidnapped one of them. chill
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
