So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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