I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
this is an emotional support booty call
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
