dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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