Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
