ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
