if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
