Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
