well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You ruined the universe
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
