so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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