I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
