I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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