"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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