I just cut my nipple shaving
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
