i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize