I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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