he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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