At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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