I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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