bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
