Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
the liver wants what the liver wants
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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