You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
