omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
its liver damage thursday
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
