Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
