I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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