i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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