I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize