I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
