im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
