She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
