I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
