Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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