i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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