Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ladies don't puke and tell
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
