If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
