We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
