so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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