Will you blow on my dice?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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