There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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