The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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