Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
