...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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