i don't like sucking hair
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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