he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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