Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
