Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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