some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
