sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
