I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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