Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
