That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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