So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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