he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
